Post by ash on Jul 8, 2008 19:19:03 GMT 9.5
Shamelessly ripped but here it goes anyways:
Q. How many Inquisitors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. It has already committed the heresy of failure, why would I commit more resources to it?
Q. How many Tyranids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. What? And give up the Night Fight rule?
Q. How many Guardsmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. How many you got?
Q: How many Catachans to change a light bulb?
A: None, you set an ambush in the dark and use the broken off light bulb as a weapon.
Q. How many Lords of Terra does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. 1, he holds it in place and the Imperium revolves around him.
Q: How many redshirts (GW employees) does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Well you may only use the Citadel light bulb and will need to purchase Codex: Light first.
Q: "What do you call a Lasgun with a laser sight?"
A: "Twin Linked"
An MK6 Space Marine walks into a bar, and the bartender says "Why the long face?"
------------------------------------------
A few platoons of Cadians are advancing across a desert when they hear a voice call out from behind a sand dune, "One Ultramarine is better than 10 Cadians".
Intrigued the Commissar sends a squad of Cadians to see whats is there. A gun battle insues, bolter and lasgun shots can be heard over the dune. Then silence.
A moment later the voice calls out "One Ultramarine is better than 25 guardsmen".
Angry the Commissar sends a platoon of Cadians over the hill. A gun battle insues, bolter, auto cannon and lasgun shots can be heard over the dune. Then silence.
A moment later the voice calls out "One Ultramarine is better than 100 guardsmen".
Furious the Commissar sends the rest of his Cadians over the hill. A gun battle insues, bolter, battlecannons, auto cannon and lasgun shots can be heard over the dune. Then silence.
A moment later a single guardsmen stumbles over the dune. He looks at the commisar and says "Sir, it was a trap. There are two of them."
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St. Celestine arrives on Armaggeddon a few days in advance of the Ork hordes. Yarrik receives her in the capitol. The two of them are walking along the parade grounds discussing preparations.
St. Celestine turns to Yarrik and asks, "How well trained are your men?".
"They are prepared for anything. They are the bravest soldiers outside of Terra." Yarrick looks confidently over the assembled troops.
"Braver than a Sister of Battle?"
Yarrik turns to her and nods. St. Celestine laughs and says, "Prove it."
Yarrik shouts to a nearby trooper, "You man, stand in front of that Lemun Russ and stop it with your lasgun."
"Are you insane? I'll be crushed!" The trooper turns to walk away and Yarrik shoots him in the back of the skull.
Yarrik looks at St. Celestine confidently, she raises an eyebrow. Yarrik says simply, "It takes a brave man to talk to a Commissar like that."
--------------------------------------------
And now an absolute GROANER......
Q: What is the Blood God's preferred breakfast?
A: KHORNE FLAKES!!!
Q. How many Inquisitors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. It has already committed the heresy of failure, why would I commit more resources to it?
Q. How many Tyranids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. What? And give up the Night Fight rule?
Q. How many Guardsmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. How many you got?
Q: How many Catachans to change a light bulb?
A: None, you set an ambush in the dark and use the broken off light bulb as a weapon.
Q. How many Lords of Terra does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. 1, he holds it in place and the Imperium revolves around him.
Q: How many redshirts (GW employees) does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Well you may only use the Citadel light bulb and will need to purchase Codex: Light first.
Q: "What do you call a Lasgun with a laser sight?"
A: "Twin Linked"
An MK6 Space Marine walks into a bar, and the bartender says "Why the long face?"
------------------------------------------
A few platoons of Cadians are advancing across a desert when they hear a voice call out from behind a sand dune, "One Ultramarine is better than 10 Cadians".
Intrigued the Commissar sends a squad of Cadians to see whats is there. A gun battle insues, bolter and lasgun shots can be heard over the dune. Then silence.
A moment later the voice calls out "One Ultramarine is better than 25 guardsmen".
Angry the Commissar sends a platoon of Cadians over the hill. A gun battle insues, bolter, auto cannon and lasgun shots can be heard over the dune. Then silence.
A moment later the voice calls out "One Ultramarine is better than 100 guardsmen".
Furious the Commissar sends the rest of his Cadians over the hill. A gun battle insues, bolter, battlecannons, auto cannon and lasgun shots can be heard over the dune. Then silence.
A moment later a single guardsmen stumbles over the dune. He looks at the commisar and says "Sir, it was a trap. There are two of them."
-----------------------------------------------
St. Celestine arrives on Armaggeddon a few days in advance of the Ork hordes. Yarrik receives her in the capitol. The two of them are walking along the parade grounds discussing preparations.
St. Celestine turns to Yarrik and asks, "How well trained are your men?".
"They are prepared for anything. They are the bravest soldiers outside of Terra." Yarrick looks confidently over the assembled troops.
"Braver than a Sister of Battle?"
Yarrik turns to her and nods. St. Celestine laughs and says, "Prove it."
Yarrik shouts to a nearby trooper, "You man, stand in front of that Lemun Russ and stop it with your lasgun."
"Are you insane? I'll be crushed!" The trooper turns to walk away and Yarrik shoots him in the back of the skull.
Yarrik looks at St. Celestine confidently, she raises an eyebrow. Yarrik says simply, "It takes a brave man to talk to a Commissar like that."
--------------------------------------------
And now an absolute GROANER......
Q: What is the Blood God's preferred breakfast?
A: KHORNE FLAKES!!!
